Oh the joys of growing up!

We all come across adversity at one point or another, and how you handle that adversity in the workplace will set the tone for quite a bit of your life! Well – at least if you’re anything like me. I spend a considerable amount of time at work every weekday, like most adults, and the kind of day I have at work has a significant effect on my mood for the rest of my day.

I work really hard to leave work at work & not stress about things when I have left the office. To be entirely honest, I don’t make enough to worry about that shit after work! However, we all have circumstances that override even the best of habits.

I have had one of these circumstances popping up more and more frequently lately, and something changed between last night and this morning that turned my attitude around. I realized that I really need to learn to let go of expectations more.

I am a very nice person, and tend to expect everyone to be as nice as I am to me. Well, the reality is that everyone is different! Some people are distracted, which can come across as rude. Some people are standoffish and uncomfortable around other people. I mean, I could sit here all night listing out reasons why people might not appear to be nice right off the bat, but I would never leave this couch!

So my new plan of action is to lower my expectations – and stop assuming that just because someone behaves differently than I might, doesn’t mean that they don’t like me.

And can I just say that with all of this in mind, I had a great day at work! Amazing what a change in perspective can do for you.

Change of course!

I think I've been (not on purpose!) avoiding gluten a bit, partly out of habit, and partly due to the gnarly food poisoning/stomach bug I caught. This experiment of mine has been weighing heavily on my mind. I've been debating if I chose to do this because I truly doubted myself and also just missed gluten, or if I chose to do this because I'm caving to societal pressure. 

I guess it was both. But I think it's time for a reevaluation. The first thing that I noticed is that I do feel worse eating gluten. Sometimes it's really bad, sometimes it just makes me want to nap like it's going out of style, and sometimes it doesn't affect me. Sounds an awful lot like how I handle dairy! I don't know why it didn't occur to me sooner - to approach gluten like I do dairy. I will avoid it in most circumstances, and happily indulge when it's a special occasion, like a really delicious fresh-baked specialty bread. Or a cookie on a tough day. But hopefully those tough days will be few and far between!

Because the number one psychological change that came about was that I stopped stressing out about what my next meal was going to be. If it was a provided, unspecified meal, I would terrorize myself imagining all of the terrible possibilities. I need to adjust my reactions to it & just accept that if I don't know what I'll be eating that it will either be something I can and want to eat, or I will go get something that I can and want to eat. 

Ahem, so perhaps my six months of eating whatever goal was a little lofty but I have no qualms about swallowing my pride for the sake of feeling better. No more experiment! Back to healthy mostly Paleo eating & hopefully, much less time at my desk resisting the urge to nap. 

A pup that won't stop barking

Okay y'all, I am officially MIS-ER-A-BLE! (I hope you read super drawn out and whiny because that is exactly how it sounded in my head!) I caught some sort of stomach bug or food poisoning two days ago which also coincided with every ladies favorite time of the month to create an absolute miserable experience for yours truly. The one bright spot has been that my boss allowed me to work from home for the first time, so at least I've been miserable from the comfort of my boyfriend's couch! And with the sweetest company!

Well, when he isn't barking our ears off after putting him in his crate! We started crate training him a few months ago after he started chewing things in our absence, and until a few weeks ago he really enjoyed it. We took the crate training really slow - just as everyone should - and worked our way up to leaving the pup in the crate alone for small periods of time when we weren't home. He has never acted afraid of the crate or had to be forced in, but a few weeks ago began barking very loudly when we would leave him in there, and I am at a loss as to how to fix it!

In an effort to find a solution, I researched some dog training options and whooooo boy there are tons in this beautiful city! Because I'm an ultra-nerd, I compiled everything into a Google Spreadsheet and shared it with the man so we can figure out what the best option will be.

Here's to hoping we will soon have a well-trained, happy pup!

Yearning

I can't shake this unmistakeable urge to grow and seek something new today! I want to create something successful and wonderful, that enables me to be independent. 

I just don't know what it should be! *sigh* 

Okay, I have a general idea, but I'm afraid I won't be any good. And I also feel limited because photography is something my sister has always been passionate about. Any other little sibs know what I'm talking about??

So, I'm putting it out there. I would love to look into photography & figure out what kind of camera is a good beginner camera!

On Consumption

This morning I find myself thinking about the act of consuming. When I stop and think of all of the advantages I have and have had in life, it is astonishing how much I consume mindlessly! For the most part, I'm a responsible consumer when it comes to clothes - I buy when I need new ones, because my old ones are worn out and need replacing. Every once in a while I will indulge in a purchase just because I want to, but for the most part, it's out of necessity. In terms of food however, I'd like to challenge myself to think more about why I am reaching for a snack, or a drink etc. More often than not - particularly at work! (helloooooo free snacks and drinks!) - I find myself eating and drinking things that I wouldn't be consuming if I had to pay for them. Drinking something sugary and empty instead of just plain old water. Which is just silly because I used to prefer water to most anything, but when you work at a desk all day long, things can get boring. Sometimes it's easy to change things up with a sugary drink or snack, but I've been so unhappy with my state of being lately! 

I know I haven't written nearly as much as I should have! I'd love to write excuses about how busy work has been and life, etc - but no one wants to hear excuses! I think I also haven't been writing because I'm faltering on my challenge to eat non-paleo for 6 months. Since eating gluten more, I have been much more phlegm-y & sneezy (which is precisely why I tried paleo in the first place, and it did wonders reducing my allergies!), my digestive tract has been waaaay off course, and I'm also concerned about my teeth & mineral absorption. Or rather, lack thereof! I've always had very cavity prone teeth & this is something that also improved with paleo. I have to get one or two fillings next week and an inlay replaced the following week and I'm worried that eating gluten again will have a negative impact. Which also means spending a whole bunch of cash on my teeth again. 

In retrospect, perhaps six months is too long for my experiment... but I'm just trying my best to keep an open mind & heart. 

I spent time with two of my best girlfriends this weekend. Hung out with Aly Saturday, we met Karlye and Silas at Isabel's Cantina with the pup & had some delicious food. I had a few returns to make so we spent the whole afternoon together. Silas is so adorable - I can't believe he will be 4 in March! Sunday I met up with Kim & got to see her adorable daughters - I absolutely have to make more time for them, her oldest didn't even recognize me!

I'm really trying hard to prioritize myself more these days - it's tough to break the habits you've had ingrained in you for so long!

1.14.13

Since making my conscious move away from Paleo, I have had quite a few comments & concerns from people, so I think it is good to clarify that I won't be going out of my way to eat gluten during this experiment; I am simply no longer going out of my way to avoid it. Basically, I'm still me, with the same food standards, I'm just imposing fewer limits or rules. It just so happened that I didn't eat gluten until Saturday. I had an english muffin with breakfast, and a sandwich for lunch (from Rubicon Deli, on a puppy friendly hike in Mission Trails!) and I honestly can't remember what I had for dinner - whoops! 

My initial observations were that I felt a little sluggish after both meals, and I also felt like I needed to poop by 2PM, but couldn't until9PM or so. TMI? Oh well. I poop. And write about said pooping or lack thereof! I had another english muffin with breakfast yesterday (what can I say, I love english muffins!! One of my most missed bread items, for sure) but that was it for gluten yesterday. 

Today I ate bell pepper and eggs for breakfast, and tom yum soup with rice for lunch. No gluten was available - so none was eaten! I am realizing that I feel a little bit sniffly/phlegmy today. Could be from gluten, could be a little cold! Only time will tell. 

We went hiking with some friends and their dog on Saturday, which was really nice. I plan on making hiking more of a regular weekend occurrence to get more exercise, and to avoid drinking heavily on Fridays and Saturday nights! 

Tonight I'm taking a sewing class, and I reached out to a friend of the family to let her know I was interested in learning more about Interior Design. That is her profession so I let her know I'd love to volunteer to help out with any local projects she has going on & I got a few good pointers! 

One Big Experiment

One recurring point of debate in the last two years has been the way that I eat. In January 2012, I began to experiment with the Paleo diet. It took a few months to really get the hang of it, but I soon grew comfortable with making most of my food, and ordering as gluten-free as possible at restaurants. I have learned so many invaluable lessons, the least of which - to be patient with myself. Big changes in life often take time & I learned to be comfortable with making mistakes and learning from them. I also learned to deal with criticism and skepticism. It really is remarkable how passionate people are about food, and how quick some can be to judge! The one thing I still come up against regularly is disbelief, or skepticism about my claim that my body operates better without gluten and processed foods. And honestly, I don't know if it is possible to come up against so much doubt before you begin to doubt yourself.

With that in mind, I have decided to spend the first half of 2014 eating typical food with no restriction other than reduced dairy (because I have been lactose intolerant since I was 7 or 8 - don't believe me? Give me a glass of milk and stick around for 20 or so minutes - you'll regret it!), and document everything - how I'm feeling, if I get sick, etc. Then in July I flip the switch and go back to Paleo & continue to document.

Sure, I know I'm be setting myself up to potentially get sick more often and not feel as well as I usually do, but it would be fascinating to have some hard data, not just for others - but for me! The last 3-4 months have marked a distinct decline in how I fit into my clothes. Falling in love, and falling out of the habit of regular workouts has certainly contributed to this, but it had also made me doubt the way that I have eaten for the last two years. I would love to complete this experiment and either renew my faith that Paleo is the optimal diet for me, OR come to terms with the fact that maybe being Paleo isn't the best way to eat and allow a little more freedom.

I'd be lying if I said that dating someone with no dietary restrictions has led to much more leniency where my diet is concerned, so maybe having six months of freedom will help strengthen my resolve to eat Paleo. 

My plan is to workout 3 times each week (yoga, weight-training, hiking, running etc), and document my meals each day, along with notes on how I feel before/after eating etc. I will document my measurements, and I'm debating on including weight as well, however that would only be to prove the point that weight itself is not really a good way to measure your progress. I weight the same today (haven't worked out regularly since August) as I did when had spent the last 6 months doing crossfit 2-3 times each week.

A big challenge lies ahead of me, but I am so excited to have come up with this idea, and even more excited to put it into practice!

Plans!

I have the strongest urge to just CREATE today! I've been listening non-stop to a pair of sisters who sing & make music together, Lily and Madeleine. There is something about seeing approachable people creating something so beautiful together that just makes creativity seem so accessible - and it is! You really just need to push yourself to stop thinking about what you want to do, and do something! 

I'm very excited to spend Monday evening at Maker Place taking a basic sewing class! The best boyfriend in the world got me the class for Christmas. I've had a sewing machine for over a year - since my Grandma's eyesight deteriorated to the point where she couldn't really sew anymore - and I don't have the slightest idea how to use it! 

And tonight I'll be swing dancing! I'm excited for that, but I'm also excited to have some downtime soon. Isn't it interesting how when you don't have plans after work, you wish you did, and when you do have plans, you almost wish you didn't. 

...just me? Ah well, I always was just a little bit fickle! 

I would love to sit down with the man & his roommate Austin soon and iron out our schedules a bit more. Austin helps out with the puppy during the day when I don't bring him to work, but if he doesn't need to watch the pup, he can take his dog to work which is easier for him. I can't really take him with me on Mondays because I have a heavy workload first thing in the morning, and I like to monitor him closely for the first hour or so when I bring him in. He is still learning where not to go to the bathroom, so if I don't watch him he does his business inside - punk! And I would love to set aside some days to stay at my place. It's tough if we don't schedule it, because it's inconvenient for me to have the puppy if I'm planning on going home that night since work is close to my home. 

I love having a schedule and planning things out, I just need to remind myself not to become too heavily invested on following that plan/schedule! Sometimes a little flexibility is exactly what you need. 

Today

Today was a good day! I took the pup to work with me, which always makes my day better & I'm cooking a yummy dinner with my man. One of my coworkers gave me a mango & coconut milk 'mai tai' sauce, so we sauteed onions, bell peppers and tomatos added the sauce, chicken and cooked up some rice - wow! I love it when you can use one store bought item to supplement a meal to make it more flavorful & stretch further.


I finally feel like I have caught up on my rest. Ever since we came back from Boston I have felt so sleepy, so it's a relief to feel rested again.

I made an appointment to go check out the gym that is affiliated with my employer for Thursday, so that is exciting - AND tomorrow I'm going dancing with my friend Cassy! She has always wanted to learn how to lindy hop, so this month were taking the class together. Plus we're getting food & drinks before, which will be fun too.

I have to say, I am really loving writing and having a blog accountability buddy - Thanks Candice!! Couldn't do it without ya!

Fear of Failing

This is a really great article I read today on the topic of not being afraid of failure, but rather to embrace it. In the article you read a blurb about a social experiment run by an art teacher that split a class in two, and informed the two groups that one would be graded on quantity (fifty pounds of pottery for an A), and one on quality (if your first piece of pottery was worth an A, you could do nothing further and earn an A grade for the year). The results were clear, the group that was creating new projects frequently, regardless of the quality of the pieces, learned more and were much more prolific in their work. The students who focused on creating just one perfect piece, agonizing over details, did far worse, because they didn't benefit from the act of failing, and learning from that failure. 

Fear of failure can be, and has been for me, utterly paralyzing. I loved this article because it made some excellent points, namely that fear of failure really ends up stopping you from taking on all sorts of wonderful projects! I can be such a perfectionist that I tend to shy away from projects and topics that I are unfamiliar to me, because I know I won't be good at it. What I really need to focus my attention on is the fact that I won't be good at it until I am. And there isn't any shortcut that will make that happen right away!

Back in the saddle

Time to stop making excuses and get back to writing! I was catching up with a great friend of mine yesterday, and discovered we have a mutual love of writing - and both have blogs we have been neglecting! Okay universe, I get it! Nothing like a blogging accountability partner, eh?

In all honesty, that is exactly what I need. Plenty of people knew that I was starting this blog way back when, but having someone who is holding you accountable, while you hold them accountable as well is just so so helpful.

We also talked about New Year's Resolutions! I have a few things I'd like to prioritize this year, like prioritizing my needs/wants (aka, if I order a drink and I don't like it - send it back! Already bungled this one today, but oh well! I have always had a strong desire to not make anyone's life difficult and that is something I need to work on. There is a difference between making someone's life difficult, and getting what you want.), writing and finding more creative outlets, and making more of an effort to catch up with friends.

One creative outlet I'm going to be exploring is culinary! I would really like to try my hand at canning, pickling, and home brewing. I bought myself a copy of the book True Brews, by Emma Christensen, which I stumbled across one day while feeding my Apartment Therapy, and The Kitchn addictions and knew I needed to get it! I will try my hand at pickling and canning first, because I think I have everything I need on hand to do those, whereas I still need a few things to start brewing.

Well, I'd better run - watching Pulp Fiction for the first time!