A single girl's manifesto

As a single girl looking for love, it is all too easy to believe that what worked for someone else will work for you. And for every story you hear from a happily paired off friend, you have another opportunity to put unfair expectations on a future dating prospect, and of course you create an opportunity to be more disappointed than you would have been otherwise.

And it makes it even harder to remind yourself that any man who drops you faster than a burning match isn’t the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Obviously this was spurred by an encounter with a guy, or rather an anti-encounter? What do you call a situation when a guy totally ignores you? When I met him, the circumstances eerily echoed those of a friend of mine who has been with that same girl for over a year now. I really think that it led me to have unrealistic expectations. I think I wouldn’t have been nearly so jazzed about him if I had just met him in a coffee shop or at a comedy show or something unrelated.

So, happily paired off people, please stop telling me your love stories and giving me unrealistic expectations…

Not really!! I love love stories; they give this single girl hope. And unrealistic expectations… Until I meet the right kind of guy that makes them entirely realistic.

Right?!

May

The time has come… for another attempted month of no spending! I wasn’t successful last month that I tried this, but I’m giving it another try!! Only paying basic bills & groceries for all of May… we will see how this goes!

I’m going to be moving June first, so this is a good time for me to buckle down & save as much as I can. I just got back from Iowa, where I GRADUATED. WITH MY BACHELOR’S DEGREE! I can’t believe I am so close to being finished. I’m officially done by the end of the first week in June, but I made the cutoff to walk in the ceremony this past weekend.

And then I move on to my Masters! I’m not really sure which one I want to do yet, but I’d better figure it out. I heard there’s a waitlist for the school I want to attend.

I’ve been going to Crossfit consistently for the last two weeks. It’s still fairly intimidating, but I just try to go into it as humbly as I can, and remind myself that everyone standing around me was once as clueless as I am now. And that someday in the future, I get to be the awesome person encouraging a newbie! I can’t lie, that’s probably my biggest motivator for learning all of the movements. Offering encouragement and teaching others is so rewarding. I just love making sure people don’t feel bad for not knowing everything! I always loved doing that when I was learning how to swing dance. Swing dancing is one of the few things that I have ever had a natural affinity for. Anytime I dance with someone new & they ask how long I’ve been dancing, my reply always shocks them! It’s a pretty great feeling, but I do still understand that dancing is HARD TO LEARN. So when I’m in a group class and get partnered with a guy who is clearly new & he apologizes, I tell him not to! I tell them that everyone was new once, and anyone who makes them feel bad for learning isn’t worth paying attention to.

I used to train people at work all the time, but we haven’t been hiring as freely, so I haven’t had a new hire shadow with me in probably two years! What a bummer.

May is an exciting month for me; I flew to Iowa & graduated, then stayed for a few days to visit with Mom & family. Then I’ll be apartment searching the this weekend, going to Las Vegas for the christening of the daughter of some dear friends, who recently surprised me by asking me to be her godmother! You could have knocked me over with a feather when they asked! Thankfully, the third weekend this month is a 3-day weekend, so hopefully I will be able to find a place & move in that weekend. That would be ideal!

Adventures In Dating... online?!

I have officially done that which I thought I never would… I am officially an online dater.

I’ll admit, I have had friends that tried online dating and never really found success, and as a result I determined that I wanted to meet someone a little more organically than that. I figured I will live my life, and do the things that are most important to me. By doing that, I’ll meet someone who either loves some of the same things I do, or I’ll meet someone who recognizes that I am passionate about the things that I love and respects that.

Well, after two years of single-dom (Okay, technically I’ll hit two years next week, on Friday I think? I feel the need to celebrate that J it has been an amazing two years!) I think I have clearly demonstrated that theory definitely doesn’t check out. A few weeks ago, I took the plunge & chose Eharmony. I chose this site because I have heard a ridiculous amount of stories about guys on free dating websites that only want one thing – if ya know what I mean! After researching the different websites, I figured Eharmony was a good place to start. I like that they have such a lengthy questionnaire to help match you. I don’t like that you can see who has viewed your profile, or that others can see when you have.

How am I supposed to stalk men if they can see I’m stalking?! Also, it feels like instant rejection when you see that someone viewed your profile, but didn’t contact you. It would be nicer if they didn’t automatically bring you to the page that shows all of this upon login!

I was SO nervous to try online dating, but I wanted to date more – since I NEVER get asked out in real life. Like ever! Well, let me tell you. When it rains? It freaking pours!! Since signing up for online dating, I have met two (– not one but TWO! –) men in real life & gone on dates with them! How crazy is that! Since signing up for online dating, I have gone on more dates with men I met in real life than men I met online. I sincerely prefer meeting men in real life. Although, I must say that it is nice to get all of your must-haves and deal-breakers on the table before you even consider dating. It might feel impersonal and judgmental, but the reality is that many of these things are incredibly important!

I’ll never forget how I felt when my ex-boyfriend told me that if we had a child that was gay he would always maintain that being gay was wrong, and a choice that they made. And I found that out when we had already been together for over a year!!! I was completely horrified. That is something that can happen regardless of how you meet someone, but the lesson that’s been underscored for me (in the whole two weeks I’ve been online dating) is that you need to be clear and upfront about your needs. If something is a priority to you, you should make it clear pretty early on.

the perks of being a wallflower

 

The perks of being a wallflower has always been one of those books that I truly meant to read, but somehow never got around to it until after I saw the movie. Typically, I prefer reading the book first. You get the true version of the story that the author wanted to get out there, and you can pick up on nuances in the movie that you would otherwise overlook. It makes you feel like one of the cool kids because you know what's coming!

Thanks to seeing the movie first, I spent much of the second half of the book wondering if the big reveal would happen soon, and eventually I started wondering if it would happen at all?!

After seeing the movie and reading the book, I can't help but wish I had read it in high school. Or middle school. I wonder if the words of wisdom that Bill gives our main character about participating, and getting out of your head would have sunk in. I have always been a thinker and a watcher, and I have felt on numerous occasions that opportunities passed me by because I was so busy thinking about the best course of action that I never took any at all. I wonder how different my middle and high school experiences might have been. I almost think I just would have been sad that I didn't have a teacher like Bill in my life!

Overall, I loved them both! This is so rare, but from what I gather Chbosky was heavily involved with the making of the movie, so I strongly suspect that he is to thank for that. Either way, both were beautifully executed.

True story...

Hello,

My name is Vanessa...


...and I am an Essie-aholic.


Whew! Does it feel good to get that off my chest!

Seriously, I don't know how I made it through 20-something years without knowing Essie existed. They offer so many different colors, and go on so perfectly! I love that if you smush your nails before adding topcoat, most of the time (depending on severity!) it fills in by itself! I can tell you that my first Essie love was Clambake - such a perfect pop of orangey-corally-red!

 

My next love was Turquoise & Caicos! A flirty and tropical aqua according to their website.

 

And the truth is that my love has continued, at $7.45 per bottle until I can now proclaim myself the proud owner of nearly two dozen bottles! [I don't even want to do the math :(] A few are doubles because I live in paranoid fear that Essie will discontinue some of my favorites. Like Set in Stones!

 

Let me tell you - you have not LIVED until you layer this baby over one or two coats of Chinchilly! I know it seems like it might be pretty bland, but I promise you will never get so many compliments on your nails (I'm talking people who I've worked in the same building with for three years who have never spoken a word to me, talking to me in a full elevator to find out what nail polish I'm wearing! And then stopping me again two weeks later to show me that she's wearing it!), and you will feel so effortlessly put together!

 

My final secret to perfect nails? Seche Vite! It can be pricey, and smells chemically when you put it on, but keeps me chip-free for a full week! OH and - it also makes your nails rock hard within about 30 minutes. This nail polish habit of mine is easily one of if not the biggest source of chemicals in my life... But it's so pretty!

Just do it, already!

I swear this post is about motivation, not accidental pregnancy!! [Pleeeease tell me you get that reference?!]

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how to self-motivate better lately. I am probably the worst self-motivator when it comes to things like homework, and working out, both of which I have been wanting to change! A big factor that I’ve noticed is that how my morning starts dictates a lot about my day. I, like many people, have struggled with actually getting out of bed when my alarm goes off. More often than not, 30 minutes after my alarm is shut off you will find me still snuggled under the covers, checking Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Gmail, C.S. Lewis quotes app AND the weather report... Basically, anything I can think of to put off getting out of bed for just a minute longer.

And more often than not, I find myself lethargic all morning, despite getting a solid 8 hours of sleep, and waking up gently with my awesome alarm clock (it lights up slowly about 15 minutes before you really want to get up, then at the programmed time starts making chirping and nature-y noises! Such a calm way to wake up!).

My theory is that if I start making a few changes, I will be setting myself up for a more productive and satisfying day! The first change is getting out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off. I haven’t been much of a snoozer in the last few months, but I have been lazy. From now on, up as soon as the alarm goes off, and make my bed after I turn the light on. For some reason, making my bed is my most disliked chore – I think it has something to do with the feeling of why bother, since you’ll be messing it up at night! But, I know I feel better when I have made it, and there is no chance I’ll get back in if I’ve made it already!

Next, I’ll be drinking a full glass of water as soon as I get up, before eating breakfast. Think about it – 8 hours is a loooong time to go without water! Dehydration can make you sluggish and lethargic – two things I’m trying to avoid.

I’m also going to do 5-10 minutes of stretching each morning, while simultaneously focusing on some goals – daily and/or long-term! Since I’m working out three times a week with Crossfit, I wake up most mornings a little creaky & stiff. 5-10 minutes really isn’t that much time to spending stretching out those tight muscles, and getting my circulation going. Since I know I’ll feel like I’m wasting time if that’s all that I do, I will use those minutes to focus on some goals for the day, or week. Focusing on goals on a regular basis increases the chances that those goals will come to fruition!

And of course – good music!! I love music, you can find me listening to Pandora on my phone just about every free minute I have, and even when I’m at work! I have different channels for different things, for example, when I’m getting ready for bed I love my Iron & Wine channel. I used to listen to Iron & Wine a lot when I had trouble sleeping, so now I associate it with sleeping. If I’m trying to power through homework, Zero 7 is a good station. If I’m trying to get pumped up for the day, it just depends on my mood! Today the winner is a station based off of the song Mama’s Broken Heart, by Miranda Lambert. I’m feeling the country tunes today!

If I'm not using Pandora, I'm usually on my Stitcher Radio app! It's seriously awesome. They have a huge variety of shows, but I usually focus on the paleosphere, and storytelling like This American Life!

Also, I had my first coffee in 71 days?! I got two shots of espresso from Starbucks, and added my own concoction I brought from home – coconut milk, vanilla, cinnamon, honey and some of the spiced vanilla sugar I got in Colorado. Oh and gelatin! Gotta sneak it in somewhere. I’ve missed coffee a lot! I did get a pretty gnarly tummy ache when I got about 2/3rds of the way through it. I guess my stomach got used to no caffeine! I’m feeling much better now – and so motivated. Hopefully, that continues throughout the day!

New beginnings!

I had my first Crossfit Fundamentals class on Monday! Nichole DeHart is our coach & it’s a relatively small class, just four of us total. There was an intern (Jake, I think?) helping out as well. We started by stepping outside for brief intros and to set expectations. Two of the other newbies live within walking distance – jealous! It made me realize that I’m probably one of the lower-income members. Not that that has much relevance, but an interesting observation.

The first thing we did was get on some foam rollers and roll out our quads and T-bands. My T-bands are always so tight, so that was a great way to start. We moved on to the “erg’s” or rowing machines. I’ve used a rowing machine before, but my form was a little lacking! We did some lunges without weights, then grabbed barbells & did some with. I find that doing lunges with weights helps my form a lot! The easiest way for me to bear the additional weight was through proper form, so that’s pretty cool.

In preparation for push-ups, we all got into plank, which always makes me glad I’ve done so much yoga! I’m pretty weak, so after a few normal push-ups, I moved to a variation, using a barbell at about 2.5 feet off the ground. The other girl in class did the same. I was able to complete so many push-ups this way! By the end of each set I was definitely struggling, so I know it wasn’t too easy.

The last thing we did was a short 12-minute workout. AMRAP (As Many Reps As Possible – look at me, pickin up on CF lingo already!) 60 seconds rowing, 60 seconds pushups, 60 seconds reverse lunges with weights and 60 seconds rest. We did three rounds, and I loved it! I know this is a total baby, beginner crossfit workout, but it was a fantastic way to start. I felt challenged, but not discouraged.

Nichole has a such a personality! You can tell she is a happy, positive person – which I love! It is so important to surround yourself with positive people and is something I’ve been working on.

Odd sidenote – I was doing dishes this morning, and I was slouching so much I could see my shoulders curving inward in my peripheral vision. I’ve decided from now on, if my shoulders are in my peripheral vision, I’ll automatically shift them back to encourage better posture!