Regret

Regret can be a powerful tool. Some people aim to never have regrets. I, on the other hand, have many. I strive not to dwell on regrets in life, but to experience them as joyfully as possible, and learn from them.

The particular regret that brought you this post is related to my ex boyfriend. Oh, who am I kidding – he IS the regret! Haha okay, not entirely but that I stayed with him for so much longer than I should have. I knew that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere for much longer than I’d like to admit, but I let my fear of being alone (and the fact that I didn’t want to hurt him) get in my way.

So, the regret is in reference to someone that I worked with. I didn’t know him at all; we just worked on the same floor. All I knew was that we were attracted to each other, and I had never felt attraction to someone when I was in a relationship with someone else. It scared me, and I have always been faithful so I shut it down. I didn’t talk to him, and kept my eyes glued to my phone if we were passing each other in a hallway. That was... gosh, 3 years ago?

I guess when that happened, I really should have taken a closer look at myself, and why all of a sudden I was feeling attraction to someone other than my boyfriend when that had never happened before. A closer look would have told me it was past time to let my ex go, so that we would be free to find the right people for us. About six months ago, I reached out to this co-worker that I hadn’t ever talked to, and was summarily ignored. Totally sucks!

But, the moral of this story, the knowledge taken from this regret is that I need to do what is right for myself, even if it is terrifying. Especially if it is terrifying.