Fear of Failing

This is a really great article I read today on the topic of not being afraid of failure, but rather to embrace it. In the article you read a blurb about a social experiment run by an art teacher that split a class in two, and informed the two groups that one would be graded on quantity (fifty pounds of pottery for an A), and one on quality (if your first piece of pottery was worth an A, you could do nothing further and earn an A grade for the year). The results were clear, the group that was creating new projects frequently, regardless of the quality of the pieces, learned more and were much more prolific in their work. The students who focused on creating just one perfect piece, agonizing over details, did far worse, because they didn't benefit from the act of failing, and learning from that failure. 

Fear of failure can be, and has been for me, utterly paralyzing. I loved this article because it made some excellent points, namely that fear of failure really ends up stopping you from taking on all sorts of wonderful projects! I can be such a perfectionist that I tend to shy away from projects and topics that I are unfamiliar to me, because I know I won't be good at it. What I really need to focus my attention on is the fact that I won't be good at it until I am. And there isn't any shortcut that will make that happen right away!

Back in the saddle

Time to stop making excuses and get back to writing! I was catching up with a great friend of mine yesterday, and discovered we have a mutual love of writing - and both have blogs we have been neglecting! Okay universe, I get it! Nothing like a blogging accountability partner, eh?

In all honesty, that is exactly what I need. Plenty of people knew that I was starting this blog way back when, but having someone who is holding you accountable, while you hold them accountable as well is just so so helpful.

We also talked about New Year's Resolutions! I have a few things I'd like to prioritize this year, like prioritizing my needs/wants (aka, if I order a drink and I don't like it - send it back! Already bungled this one today, but oh well! I have always had a strong desire to not make anyone's life difficult and that is something I need to work on. There is a difference between making someone's life difficult, and getting what you want.), writing and finding more creative outlets, and making more of an effort to catch up with friends.

One creative outlet I'm going to be exploring is culinary! I would really like to try my hand at canning, pickling, and home brewing. I bought myself a copy of the book True Brews, by Emma Christensen, which I stumbled across one day while feeding my Apartment Therapy, and The Kitchn addictions and knew I needed to get it! I will try my hand at pickling and canning first, because I think I have everything I need on hand to do those, whereas I still need a few things to start brewing.

Well, I'd better run - watching Pulp Fiction for the first time!

MOAR!

Do you ever just sit back and realize that your life is finally falling into place? Or at least that you love the direction it’s taking and you can take a deep breath, relax and keep pushing on for more! I got a job with a dream of a company, I have a wonderful boyfriend who just got the sweetest dog!

In other news, I need to stay the fuck away from baby blogs! Since everything else in my life seems to be coming together, I seem to be dreaming big! Which means that all of a sudden I have an entirely unrealistic mental list of things I want RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND, like a baby, a husband and a house.

…um V, let’s just get through one full week of work at your new job first? And then maybe be dating your awesome man for a year before you go wishing you had more? YEESH.

I find it really fascinating that as soon as you get what you want, you start wishing you had more. Obviously, we wouldn’t have as many wonderful developments in life without this constant striving for more, but I could do with a little more enjoyment of what you have in the moment. 

So that's my current goal! Enjoy exactly what I have right now more than wishing I had more. Because life is currently pretty damn amazing. If you had told me six months ago that right now I would have a loving boyfriend (who is gainfully employed at a job that he genuinely enjoys?!) with a sweet puppy, and would be starting a new job in marketing at a company whose perks somewhat resemble those of freaking Google?! I'd tell you that you were smoking some high-quality crack cocaine. 

I guess it just goes to show that when you take big, scary chances in life, and push beyond your comfort level, it can be incredibly rewarding!

An Irresistible Offer

For the first time in my adult life, I am relatively unemployed… and loving it!! Anyone who knows me would never expect to hear those words grace my mouth, but it’s true!

After close to four years of working at the devil’s house, as my dear friend Candice calls it, they offered me something I could not resist – a severance package!!! To give a little bit of background, my sister worked for this company for about a year and a half before I was hired. I ping-ponged back and forth between loving working there and absolutely hating working there! About a year ago, the fired 10% of the company, and my sister was one of those who was let go, with no notice or severance.

After taking the day off (my boss was really understanding, everyone knew that Karlye was my sister and we would spend quite a bit of time at work together), I realized that I needed to get my skinny ass in gear and finish my degree so that I would be prepared should the same fate await me! I doubled up in classes and finished my last class for my bachelor’s degree about a year later.

The company offered the severance just ten days after I finished my degree, and the Thursday prior to that? I was at my parents house telling them how frustrated I was working there, and felt that I had no choice but to start looking for employment elsewhere. Can you say perfect timing???

It was sad to leave, but so refreshing. My outlook on life exploded with positivity and I was so excited at all of the possibilities! I let myself enjoy a few weeks of fun in the sun & enjoying summer with the carefree abandon of a kid – except I have money and I can legally drink!!!!

Somehow I also managed to snag the most wonderful, caring, attractive and awesome boyfriend I could have ever imagined (and boy did I try to imagine a fantastic guy!).

However, the job search left me pretty disillusioned. The only ‘legit’ job offer I received was for a customer service rep position that would have had me battling north county traffic every morning and night, and getting paid pretty poorly for the pleasure.

And THEN I discovered Lyft!!! It’s a ride-sharing service, similar to cabs, but eleventy-hundred times awesomer, and about 30% cheaper. Plus, I build my own schedule, get to meet interesting people, and drive around the city as a glorified tour guide? Heaveeeeeen!

Although, the last few days I’ve found myself feeling anxious and stressed; and I think it’s because this is the most unorthodox job I’ve held as an adult, living on my own, with big scary bills to pay. And the uncertainty makes me feel vulnerable, which isn’t always comfortable!

That being said, I can’t imagine a better scenario, while I try to figure out what on earth I want to do with my life. The wonderful new man in my life has a job that he truly enjoys, and I’d be flat-out lying if I said that didn’t intimidate me at least a little. But then I remind myself that I’m on my own journey, and it’s not like I’m freeloading! I’m making my situation work for me, and being positive about the whole thing… not to mention industrious! When push comes to shove, you just have to work with what you’ve got.

A single girl's manifesto

As a single girl looking for love, it is all too easy to believe that what worked for someone else will work for you. And for every story you hear from a happily paired off friend, you have another opportunity to put unfair expectations on a future dating prospect, and of course you create an opportunity to be more disappointed than you would have been otherwise.

And it makes it even harder to remind yourself that any man who drops you faster than a burning match isn’t the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Obviously this was spurred by an encounter with a guy, or rather an anti-encounter? What do you call a situation when a guy totally ignores you? When I met him, the circumstances eerily echoed those of a friend of mine who has been with that same girl for over a year now. I really think that it led me to have unrealistic expectations. I think I wouldn’t have been nearly so jazzed about him if I had just met him in a coffee shop or at a comedy show or something unrelated.

So, happily paired off people, please stop telling me your love stories and giving me unrealistic expectations…

Not really!! I love love stories; they give this single girl hope. And unrealistic expectations… Until I meet the right kind of guy that makes them entirely realistic.

Right?!

May

The time has come… for another attempted month of no spending! I wasn’t successful last month that I tried this, but I’m giving it another try!! Only paying basic bills & groceries for all of May… we will see how this goes!

I’m going to be moving June first, so this is a good time for me to buckle down & save as much as I can. I just got back from Iowa, where I GRADUATED. WITH MY BACHELOR’S DEGREE! I can’t believe I am so close to being finished. I’m officially done by the end of the first week in June, but I made the cutoff to walk in the ceremony this past weekend.

And then I move on to my Masters! I’m not really sure which one I want to do yet, but I’d better figure it out. I heard there’s a waitlist for the school I want to attend.

I’ve been going to Crossfit consistently for the last two weeks. It’s still fairly intimidating, but I just try to go into it as humbly as I can, and remind myself that everyone standing around me was once as clueless as I am now. And that someday in the future, I get to be the awesome person encouraging a newbie! I can’t lie, that’s probably my biggest motivator for learning all of the movements. Offering encouragement and teaching others is so rewarding. I just love making sure people don’t feel bad for not knowing everything! I always loved doing that when I was learning how to swing dance. Swing dancing is one of the few things that I have ever had a natural affinity for. Anytime I dance with someone new & they ask how long I’ve been dancing, my reply always shocks them! It’s a pretty great feeling, but I do still understand that dancing is HARD TO LEARN. So when I’m in a group class and get partnered with a guy who is clearly new & he apologizes, I tell him not to! I tell them that everyone was new once, and anyone who makes them feel bad for learning isn’t worth paying attention to.

I used to train people at work all the time, but we haven’t been hiring as freely, so I haven’t had a new hire shadow with me in probably two years! What a bummer.

May is an exciting month for me; I flew to Iowa & graduated, then stayed for a few days to visit with Mom & family. Then I’ll be apartment searching the this weekend, going to Las Vegas for the christening of the daughter of some dear friends, who recently surprised me by asking me to be her godmother! You could have knocked me over with a feather when they asked! Thankfully, the third weekend this month is a 3-day weekend, so hopefully I will be able to find a place & move in that weekend. That would be ideal!

Adventures In Dating... online?!

I have officially done that which I thought I never would… I am officially an online dater.

I’ll admit, I have had friends that tried online dating and never really found success, and as a result I determined that I wanted to meet someone a little more organically than that. I figured I will live my life, and do the things that are most important to me. By doing that, I’ll meet someone who either loves some of the same things I do, or I’ll meet someone who recognizes that I am passionate about the things that I love and respects that.

Well, after two years of single-dom (Okay, technically I’ll hit two years next week, on Friday I think? I feel the need to celebrate that J it has been an amazing two years!) I think I have clearly demonstrated that theory definitely doesn’t check out. A few weeks ago, I took the plunge & chose Eharmony. I chose this site because I have heard a ridiculous amount of stories about guys on free dating websites that only want one thing – if ya know what I mean! After researching the different websites, I figured Eharmony was a good place to start. I like that they have such a lengthy questionnaire to help match you. I don’t like that you can see who has viewed your profile, or that others can see when you have.

How am I supposed to stalk men if they can see I’m stalking?! Also, it feels like instant rejection when you see that someone viewed your profile, but didn’t contact you. It would be nicer if they didn’t automatically bring you to the page that shows all of this upon login!

I was SO nervous to try online dating, but I wanted to date more – since I NEVER get asked out in real life. Like ever! Well, let me tell you. When it rains? It freaking pours!! Since signing up for online dating, I have met two (– not one but TWO! –) men in real life & gone on dates with them! How crazy is that! Since signing up for online dating, I have gone on more dates with men I met in real life than men I met online. I sincerely prefer meeting men in real life. Although, I must say that it is nice to get all of your must-haves and deal-breakers on the table before you even consider dating. It might feel impersonal and judgmental, but the reality is that many of these things are incredibly important!

I’ll never forget how I felt when my ex-boyfriend told me that if we had a child that was gay he would always maintain that being gay was wrong, and a choice that they made. And I found that out when we had already been together for over a year!!! I was completely horrified. That is something that can happen regardless of how you meet someone, but the lesson that’s been underscored for me (in the whole two weeks I’ve been online dating) is that you need to be clear and upfront about your needs. If something is a priority to you, you should make it clear pretty early on.